2004-04-18 - 9:22 a.m.
Full-blown Mommy panic attack setting in.
Took DS all the way out to Musashi Sakai to try a karate class. First he refused to participate at all, then he tried for a little bit, but he wouldn't stay with the beginners group, wouldn't go with the teacher, wanted to stay with this big German guy who was also there to practice and didn't understand when I explained that the German guy was a grown-up and that he (DS)needed to stay with the little kids. All my ideas about child-led learning went right out the window.
My knee-jerk reaction was to tell him to "Get back out there, you're embarrassing me!" I barely manageed not to say it.
I mean, he had been saying all week he wanted to try it but then when we actually get there and the Sensei even takes the trouble to meet us at the station and drive us to class, he won't cooperate. Part of me was tempted to drag him back next week and push him into it.
Oh yeah, and the very next day we go to G.'s house and of course her DD, younger than my DS, adores her piano lessons and cries because she doesn't want the lesson to end. And when DS pushed the button on the keyboard that makes it play pre-progrmmed songs, the little girl told me she isn't allowed to push that button because her zMommy wants her to learn how to play songs herself. And she most certainly can play songs, she showed us!
I feel like a failure as a mother, I wonder if I'm somehow depriving my kid by not forcing him to stick with it and learn some discipline...but then again we haven't looked at any other activities, swimming or whatnot, maybe he'll jump into it when we find the right one.
The unschoolers or TCS folks would say he should be able to choose and say no if he isn't interested. But I can't help having these nagging doubts that I'm somehow holding him back by not pushing him to do things and setting stricter limits. I'm afraid this freedom we've given him may spoil him and he won't learn how to do creative stuff or stuff that requires practice.
I'm torn between wanting to respect his autoomy and his natural learning process, and feelinglike he's just akid and it's my job to guide him.
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