2004-04-07 - 7:11 a.m.
Instead of studying last night I watched almost all of "Mists of Avalon" and wasn't as disappointed this time, in spite of all the T.V. actors doing bad English accents. Then got into bed and got absorbed in "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire". finally turned off the light around midnight and of course DS was up before 6. He's watching "Babe" and banging on his xylophone now while the baby lies on the sofa alternately blowing raspberries and chewing on her yellow squeaky bear. DH isn't here...it's a sad statement on our marriage that I am relieved to not have him in my space. I hope one day we come to enjoy one another's company again. These days mostly all I feel is a mild annoyance. It's like he just can't do aything without bright fluorescent lights or blasting the Beatles or Toto. And the way he talks to me...bossy, like I'm his maid or on a good day his secretary. I could just let it go but my mind has a Pavlovian reaction...total knee-jerk, "must-not-let-husband-tell-me-what-to-do-or-I-am-betraying-myself-and-all-women-everywhere" kind of thing. I was not brought up to wait on a man. I can take care of my kids but the idea of taking care of my husband makes me sick. And he has no Western politically-correct attitude...one day he even got fed up and yelled "Why can't you just take care of me??!!"
I laugh now remembering it, because I just cannot imagine a man from a native-English speaking country being so blatant about letting himself be waited upon.
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